


Seems Like Salvation

by sublime42



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, Hospitalization, Kidnapping, Major Whump, Muteness, Nightmares, Other, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Violence, Starvation, Suicidal Thoughts, Torture, long term captivity, rumplestilstkin whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-27 18:48:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30127245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sublime42/pseuds/sublime42
Summary: Mr. Gold is kidnapped, held captive, assaulted, starved and beaten. Even the Dark One can be broken if he's tortured long enough.Please read the tags.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> -This is before the Baelfire story arch, before Mary Margaret and David have Neal. 
> 
> -I don't remember people having stuff like televisions or cellphones in the show, but I’ve given them some in this.

Emma had been somewhat surprised when she’d gotten the call that Mr. Gold was back in Storybrooke, apparently in the town center. Having been gone for over a year, she’d expected that he’d left forever or had somehow met his demise. His store had been left unlocked, after all, and Belle seemed to have had no idea where he was.

She arrived on the scene with David, wanting some extra muscle in case Gold tried anything. She hadn’t expected what she’d found. Mr. Gold was there, for sure, but he seemed… different. 

As evidenced by the fact that he was trying to hide in the shadows of an alley, seemingly terrified. Emma shined her flashlight on him and saw that he was pressed against a wall, covering his face. He was also only wearing boxers and socks. Torn boxers, at that.

Emma blinked, unsure of whether she was seeing things or not.

“Uh. You’re seeing this too, right?” She asked her father.

“Um. Yup. Yup, I am,” came his response.

“Some kind of trick, maybe?” She asked.

“He seems pretty distraught.”

“Hm.” Emma slowly moved closer. “Mr. Gold?” She called out. “It’s Emma. Emma Swan. I’m not going to hurt you. Can you look at me?”

Gold’s only response was to close his eyes tightly and curl into himself. He sank to the ground and pulled his knees to his chest and began rocking back and forth.

“Please don’t,” he whispered, so silently that it was barely audible. “Please.”

Up close, Emma could see that his face was covered in tears and what looked like dried blood. It ran down his cheek, onto his neck. There was blood on his legs, too. 

“I promise I’m not going to hurt you,” she repeated. 

Gold whimpered but said nothing else.

“Alright. I think we need to get a doctor here or something,” Emma said. “This is way above my pay grade.”

\---

Several hours later, Gold lay in a hospital bed, sedated and covered in blankets. An IV ran into his hand, providing him with medication and liquids. Apparently he’d been very dehydrated. Probably starved for a while, Dr. Whale had said.

Just getting him to the hospital had been an exercise in itself. Both Dr. Whale and Dr. Hopper had been called in. Gold seemed terrified of Dr. Whale, but eventually Dr. Hopper had been able to calm him slightly and convince him to get into a car. He’d brought along a blanket and had wrapped it around Gold’s shoulders before sitting in the back with him. By the time they arrived at the hospital, Gold was clinging to Archie. He’d screamed when Emma had tried to get them out. Literally tried fighting her off as well. It was then that Dr. Whale ran into the building and retrieved a needle. With one well placed shot, Gold was unconscious.

Belle sat next to him, holding his free hand. 

“He looks so sick,” she said, frowning. 

Emma nodded. Belle was right. Gold had always been slight, but now he looked emaciated. His ribs stuck out, and his hair was long, down past his shoulders. It was splayed in all directions. Dr. Whale and a nurse had cleaned off most of the blood and given him a general exam, finding that he’d been hit on the head hard enough to rupture his ear drum. The blood on his legs and the lack of any wounds on them suggested that he may have been sexually assaulted. And that was not to mention the numerous cuts on his chest. As the Dark One, he shouldn’t have been able to be scarred. The only way, Belle said, was if someone used his dagger on him. 

And of course, the dagger was nowhere to be found.

His eyes fluttered open as Belle kissed his hand. He looked around slowly, as if confused, then focused in on Belle.

“Hey,” she greeted him, smiling. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”

Rumple’s eyes grew wide and he seemed to try to push himself away from her, making a whining noise. His heart rate picked up and he began to breathe heavily, as if he were having a panic attack.

“Oh, shit.” Emma pressed the call button near Gold’s bed. Within a few seconds, Dr. Whale, Dr. Hopper and a nurse appeared.

Seeing these new arrivals just caused him to panic moreso. He whined again and tried to push himself up, but was promptly pushed back by Dr. Whale.

“No,” the doctor told him. “You need to stay put. You’re not well, Mr. Gold. Calm down. You’re safe here.”

Gold glanced at Hopper, giving him a pleading look. Seeing this, the therapist came to his side, Belle moving away so he could sit.

“He’s right,” Dr. Hopper told him, his voice calm and soft. “You’re safe here. You’re in the hospital. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

As Archie spoke, Dr. Whale administered a shot into Gold’s IV. Slowly he began to calm down. 

“Not a sedative but it’ll keep him calmer,” the doctor explained. “Maybe we can try to talk to him.”

Over the next few minutes, Gold’s breathing began to even out. He looked around more calmly, taking everything in.

“Better?” Hopper asked. 

Gold just stared at him, his eyes looking massive as he’d lost so much weight.

Hopper continued to hold his hand. 

“We have some questions for you,” Emma said, taking out her notebook. “I know you’re not feeling great but the quicker we get answers, the quicker we can find whoever did this to you. Can you tell me what happened to you? You’ve been gone for fifteen months.”

There was no response. Gold just looked at her sadly.

“Would you rather write it?” She asked, offering up her pen and pad. 

Gold made no move to accept it.

Emma sighed. 

“Alright. I guess I’ll try again tomorrow. Archie, Belle, can you let me know if he says anything? Call or text me. David, do you mind standing guard here? It’d be best to have someone nearby in case whoever did this finds him.”

“Not a problem,” David answered. 

Emma nodded.

“Thanks. I’ll be back tomorrow to relieve you.” She looked at the group surrounding Gold’s bed. “I’ll see you soon.”


	2. Chapter 2

Belle felt horrible that Rumple wasn’t responding well to her presence. It’d been over a year since they’d been together and she had been praying for his safe return, and doing everything she could to find him, and now he was back and acting as if she’d been the one to hurt him!

Or, maybe it was just a trauma response, as Archie had said. Maybe whoever had held Rumple captive had looked similarly, or used a photo of her as a means of keeping him in line - threatening to harm the one person he loved above all else. 

It could be anything, really. She knew she shouldn’t take it personally.

So the next morning, she called first to ask if she ought to come by the hospital. She didn’t want to upset Rumple any further. He needed his strength to heal, though how his immortality had not healed whatever was wrong with his mind was beyond her. Maybe it only extended to physical problems. She wished she knew.

Archie told her to stay home. He’d call her if it seemed ok for her to visit. But on the plus side, he was calmer this morning. It seemed as if David or Archie was around, Rumple felt more at ease.

\---

David sat near Mr. Gold’s bedside, watching over him.

The older man was asleep now, finally. It seemed like he had fought the medications given to him for hours the previous night. He was afraid to rest, as if something might happen to him if he let his guard down, but when David finally told him that he’d stay and watch over him, Gold had given in.

David looked him over and frowned. As much as the guy had angered him, he really did look like he’d been through the ringer several times over. He was so pale, and thin and shaky. It was a sad sight. He wondered why Gold seemed to trust him above others. It wasn’t as if they had been close previously.

David was starting to really get tired. Just as he wondered if he might be able to slip away to get coffee, Emma and Mary Margaret appeared, Mary holding a thermos, which she handed over.

“Figured you’d need this,” she said, giving David a kiss. “Must’ve been a long night.” She glanced at the patient and frowned. “He looks so small and fragile.”

“Hopefully he’ll feel up to answering some questions today,” Emma said. 

Emma’s voice must have gotten through to Gold, because a second later he cracked his eyes open. He seemed confused for a second before focusing his gaze on her, after which he tried to push himself up and off of the bed. David caught him and gently held him back.

“It’s okay! It’s fine, no one’s going to hurt you,” David said, speaking in a calm tone. He looked Gold directly in the eyes. “I promise, it’s okay. Calm down.”

Gold blinked and seemed to take in what David had told him. He slowly nodded and sank back down until his head was again resting on the pillow behind him.

“Right,” Emma said, unsure of how to proceed. “Clearly I’m making him uncomfortable. David, I could give you the list of questions if you want to try? It seems like he trusts you.”

“He’s right here,” David reminded her gently. “He can hear you.”

“Right.” Emma had dealt with a lot in life, but in general, Mr. Gold both unnerved and angered her, and seeing him so vulnerable and frightened made it all the more weird being around him. She had no idea how to act.

“Do you think you could answer some questions for David?” Mary Margaret asked. “It’s important.”

Gold looked at her for a long moment as if he was appraising her, seeing if she was trustworthy or not. He meekly shook his head ‘no’. He couldn’t do it, not yet. 

Seeing how Gold had reacted to Mary’s questioning versus her own, Emma whispered something in her mother’s ear. Mary Margaret nodded.

“Mr. Gold, I understand you don’t want to talk right now, but you’ve been injured pretty severely. And it looks like someone might have done other things to you, and if you don’t want to describe the person, doing a… well, a rape kit would at least help gather evidence. Someone could…” Mary looked at Emma, who nodded. “Someone could stay here in the room with you while Dr. Whale does it, if you want. So you won’t be alone. It… it would be quick, I’m sure. Or… you know. As quick as it could be.” She stumbled over her words. 

Gold swallowed and closed his eyes, then took a deep breath. 

He didn’t speak but nodded his head ‘yes’. 

Emma was satisfied. Any evidence from a kit could go a long way.

“Great,” Emma replied. “Thank you for cooperating.”

\---

Dr. Whale had truly done his absolute best to make things as easy as possible on Gold. He’d asked Dr. Hopper to attend, and Mary Margaret had also stayed in the room, per Gold’s silent request (Whale had asked if he wanted Mary to stay, and Gold had nodded ‘yes’).

It had been close to a week since Gold had last been assaulted, judging by how well he’d healed, but there was still some trace evidence. Photos and swabs were taken. Luckily most of Gold’s wounds had closed. Whale didn’t mention to anyone how painful they must have been, considering where they were located. 

Gold stayed silent during the entire thing, though he did grip onto Archie’s hand as if his life had depended on it. 

In the end, Dr. Hopper had tucked Gold back into bed, Mary Margaret not leaving his side. 

Gold said nothing as they left. He didn’t look at anyone. He simply kept his eyes fixed on the hospital ceiling, as if staring into space.


	3. Chapter 3

Emma sighed and took another sip of coffee. She was looking over the lab reports from Gold’s rape kit. The DNA found in… on… him had been unusable, too dry and degraded to be tested. 

Worse, it had now been five days since he’d returned, giving whoever harmed him ample time to get away. Perhaps with a description, or even an idea of where he’d been, she could do some more, but with the little she had, she didn’t think she could do much, and it bothered her. As much as she loathed Mr. Gold, she did feel bad that he’d suffered so much. The injuries noted on his report were severe and must have been painful. Internal tears and cuts, cuts with a knife on his chest, stomach, thighs and back. Not to mention the starvation and bruises from what had to be pretty bad beatings.

And now there was the question of what to _do_ with him.

He refused to eat, refused to do anything, really, beyond lay in bed. Dr. Hopper had tried to get through to him. Really, really tried, spent hours at his bedside attempting all different methods of getting Gold to at least begin to function, but it was to no avail. Ultimately, Dr. Whale had ordered IV nutrients to keep Gold from getting any worse, along with calming medicines to avoid the panic attacks that he seemed to keep having. 

And then there was Belle, too. Gold still reacted badly to her, shrinking away from her and at one point crying when she visited. It had clearly broken her heart to see, and Emma felt terrible for her. She had never understood Belle’s attraction to Mr. Gold, but she obviously loved him and was badly hurt by his reactions, even if he probably couldn’t control them.

Physically, he was almost healed, but she wasn’t sure if or when he might be mentally well again.

\---

“The thing is, he needs to start reintegrating into normal life,” Dr. Hopper said. “Being here in the hospital, it’s just… stalling him. He needs to start taking small steps otherwise he won’t progress at all. Note that I said _small_ steps. Not too much at once.”

Dr. Hopper, Dr. Whale, Emma, Belle, David and Mary Margaret were sitting in Dr. Whale’s office, discussing Mr. Gold.

“It’s not as if Storybrooke has many outpatient mental facilities,” Dr. Whale stated. “We have the psychiatric ward here, but I’m not sure if it would help or hinder him.”

“He seems comfortable with you two,” Belle said, looking at David and Mary. Her expression was a sad one. “As if he trusts you. And the same for you, Dr. Hopper.”

“You all can call me Archie, you know,” he replied. “But yes, I noticed that too.”

“It’s strange, though. We weren’t friends before. We never really saw eye to eye with him, why would he prefer us over someone like Belle?”

“My theory is that whoever had him used Belle against him. Maybe threatened to harm her if he didn’t comply,” Archie replied. “Of course, we won’t know for sure unless Mr. Gold confirms it, but it would make sense. She’s one of his biggest weaknesses. As for you two, just a guess here, again, but you are both known for doing the right thing in hard times. He knows that you’re good, that you won’t hurt him.” 

Belle frowned, but said nothing.

“Well I don’t think we should just leave him alone in his house,” Emma said. “Immortal or not, it seems kind of cruel.”

Mary and David looked at each other, then at the rest of the group.

“If he has nowhere…,” Mary Margaret began. “Nowhere to go…” She looked at David.

“He could stay with us, I guess,” David finished. “I mean. We could try to help him.” 

Emma’s jaw dropped.

“Really?” She asked.

“Well it just seems like… like the right thing to do,” Mary Margaret answered. “Maybe… maybe it’ll help him be a better person somehow. If he’s treated with respect and kindness, he might open up.”

“This is Mr. Gold we’re talking about,” Emma responded. “Belle was treating him with respect and kindness for a year and he never changed. He still kept going back to his evil ways. No offense, Belle.”

Belle sighed and shook her head.

“It’s fine. You’re right. But I never give up on him, and if there’s even a chance something like that may help him, I think it’s worth it.”

“I could of course help as well,” Archie said. “I could visit often, try different therapeutic techniques.”

“You’d have my support as well,” Dr. Whale added. 

Mary Margaret smiled.

“I guess it’s settled then. He’ll come stay with us.”

\---

That afternoon, David and Mary cleared out the spare room in their apartment, doing their best to make it comfortable for their guest. Archie had warned them to keep it as simple as possible, to avoid lots of colors or photos as to give Gold somewhere very calm to rest, so Mary had brought out an old blue comforter that she’d kept and had lined the bed with light blue bed sheets.

The room didn’t have much - there was the bed, the nightstand, a dresser and a mirror, but they supposed it would suffice for Mr. Gold’s needs. Emma had also picked up some extra toiletries for him, and Belle had dropped off a few pairs of his pajamas and simple sets of clothing. No suits, nothing as extravagant as he usually wore, but some jeans, sweatpants and t-shirts.

“Does he have a first name?” David asked, as he folded one of the shirts. “I know in the Enchanted Forest he went by Rumplestiltskin but here everyone just says Mr. Gold.”

“I heard Belle call him Nicholas,” Mary replied. “So I guess he goes by that.”

“Nicholas. That’s a good name,” David noted.

“Not surprised, considering how important names are to him,” Mary said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Gold has a human name! Chosen because....Stargate, lol.


	4. Chapter 4

Before Mr. Gold left the hospital, Archie had visited with him and explained the situation. He’d offered Gold the choice to stay or to go elsewhere if he knew of somewhere he could safely stay, but Gold had said nothing. When asked if he was agreeable to staying with David and Mary, Gold had simply nodded ‘yes’. 

So, Archie had helped him get dressed in a pair of sweatpants and a sweater. Gold seemed to be perpetually cold, probably a side effect of the malnutrition and starvation he’d suffered, so Archie had gotten him a thick pair of socks to wear as well. The clothes swamped Gold’s very slight frame, but he looked better wearing them than he did in the hospital gown. 

“Do you want to fix your hair?” Archie offered.

Gold shrugged, but pointed at Archie’s hand that held a brush. 

“You want me to do it?” Archie confirmed.

Gold shrugged so slightly that it was barely noticeable. Probably afraid to actually ask for anything, Archie thought to himself. He said nothing, but got up and gently began to brush Gold's hair.

\---

“He knows the rules,” Archie said, once Gold was settled into Mary and David’s home. “We went over them before we left.”

Gold was sitting at the kitchen table, listening as Archie spoke. Mary had given him a cup of tea, but he didn’t drink it, preferring to wrap his hands around it for the warmth.

“He has to make an effort to eat at least twice a day. Small stuff. Rice, chicken, vegetables. Soup would work. If he can’t do that he has to drink one of these,” Archie motioned at the box of meal replacement shakes the hospital had given him. 

“Alright,” Mary Margaret said. “What else?”

“He has to get back to taking care of his personal hygiene, so bathing at least once every two or three days is good. More often if possible. Let him choose if he wants to be alone in the bath but if so, try to stay nearby in case he needs help.”

Mary glanced over at Gold, who was staring at his tea. He wasn’t moving. 

“Finally, he should try his best to vocally communicate things that he wants or needs. Using a notepad works as well, anything beyond shaking his head or pointing.”

“All of those sound fine,” Mary agreed. David nodded as well.

“I’ll be coming over every other day for sessions with him, but here’s my phone number,” Archie said, tapping a piece of paper he had put on the counter. “Call me anytime. Day or night, I’ll come help. His meds are in the box with the meal replacement shakes. He gets two pills every eight hours, his next dose is at two.”

“Thank you,” Mary Margaret said. She looked at Gold once again.

Archie made his way over to the smaller man.

“Do you need anything else before I leave for today?” 

Gold didn’t make eye contact, but shook his head ‘no’.

“Are you going to try to do some of the things we talked about?” 

Gold didn’t respond at all. 

Archie sighed.

“Well, we’ll give it our best go.”

“We will,” Mary Margaret agreed. “I promise.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: description of rape in this chapter.

Once Archie had gone, Mary and David took seats next to Gold. They watched as he held the now cool cup of tea, his hands shaking.

“Hey, you’re safe here,” David said. 

Gold looked up at him, eyes wide, but said nothing.

“We made up a bedroom for you, right next to ours,” Mary told him. “So if you need anything at all, we’re nearby. Would you like to go see it? You can lie down for a while if you like.”

Gold closed his eyes for a few seconds, as if considering, before nodding in agreement.

Mary and David stood up. Gold slowly pushed himself to his feet. Seeing how off balanced and weak he seemed, she wrapped her arm around his waist to help him walk.

\---

In the bedroom, David turned on a light and pulled back the comforter on the bed. Mary and Gold slowly made their way in, Gold not bothering to even look around. Mary gently helped him sit before helping him get his legs up - his bum ankle seemed to be much worse, David noticed. He had been limping very badly.

Mary pulled the blankets up to Gold’s chest and sat next to him. It made her happy that he seemed comfortable, if the expression on his face was one to go by. For once, he looked somewhat calm.

“Why don’t you sleep for a bit. One of us will wake you up when it’s time for your meds and some food.”

Without thinking, she pushed some of his hair back from his eyes. Gold didn’t seem to mind. If anything, he looked a bit calmer.

She stayed by his side for the next half hour, until he closed his eyes and his breathing evened out.

\---

A few minutes before it was time to wake their guest, the sound of Gold whining caught Mary and David’s attention.

They rushed to the bedroom to find him curled up and sweating while making a high pitched keening sound. He was shaking and seemed to be trying to fight something off weakly, as he kept pushing forward with his hand. 

David rubbed his shoulder.

“Mr. Gold, wake up!” He tried, not wanting to raise his voice too much and scare the man even more.

There was no response.

David sighed and tried again, rubbing harder this time. 

“You need to wake up now, you’re having a nightmare,” he said, louder.

Gold turned and pushed him away, his eyes still closed. His breathing was fast. David quickly checked his pulse and found that his heart was also racing.

Mary Margaret motioned for David to get up and took his place next to Gold.

“Nicholas!” She tried, shaking both his shoulders. “Nicholas, wake up. You’re dreaming.” Her voice was calm but stern.

Gold’s eyes shot open and he instantly tried to sit up. He threw one leg over the side of the bed but fell into Mary’s arms as his physical weakness overtook him. It was this that finally seemed to fully wake him, as he stopped struggling and went limp. The only thing that made it obvious that he was still awake was how he had wrapped an arm around Mary’s back and was gripping her shirt with all his might. 

Mary hugged him close and rubbed his back.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. Just a bad dream. You’re safe here, remember?” She told him, continuing to hold him. 

There was no response but she heard him sniffle.

Unsure of what else to do, she held him for a moment longer until his breathing calmed.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” she repeated, as she laid him back down. 

He sniffled again and a tear ran down his cheek. It was odd, really, David thought to himself. He could never have pictured Mr. Gold crying before. He imagined that if Gold were in his normal state of mind, he’d be humiliated at showing such weakness.

Mary used her free hand to wipe the tear away. He briefly closed his eyes, taking the small bit of comfort in before fully coming to and pulling away. 

After a few moments, she spoke again.

“You responded when I called you Nicholas. Do you prefer that?”

Gold nodded ‘yes’. 

“Okay. We’ll use that then.”

She sat there with him a bit longer. He didn’t seem to be tired anymore, and was now shifting his glance between Mary and David.

“Since you’re awake, why don’t we get your meds and some food,” David offered. 

No response.

“Would you try to eat something, please?” Mary asked. 

Nicholas slowly nodded. 

“Thank you. I’ll stay with you here, and David can bring everything in.”

\---

It felt like the memories of what had happened were always at the front of his mind, and no matter how many times he replayed them, they never got easier to handle.

At first, he’d been strong. Had been defiant. He was the Dark One, and he was absolutely going to make his kidnappers pay.

And now, how he regretted his attitude. He wondered if he hadn’t had it, if maybe things would have gone easier. 

He’d dreamed of being in the cage that had become his home, curled on the floor while he was forcibly penetrated. He could feel the blood between his legs, dripping to the ground as the man held him down and pumped in and out.

The worst of it was when the dagger was used against him.

“Touch yourself,” he’d been commanded. “Get yourself off. Come on, Gold. You can do it.”

And he did, because had no choice.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So much whump.

David arrived with a tray holding a large bowl of soup, a glass of water and a napkin with two pills on it.

Nicholas looked it over and swallowed nervously. The soup smelled good, but the idea of actually eating it made him nervous.

He’d been forced to eat so many things during his first months of captivity. Dirty things, including bodily fluids of all types. All of it. He’d always had to eat all of it. And when he tried to resist, which he never could, he got cut.

His stomach turned at the thought of it. It’d almost been a blessing when his captors had decided to starve him instead.

The sound of his stomach growling brought him back to reality. He knew he needed to try, that he was severely underweight and malnourished, but it was easier said than done.

“It’s just some chicken soup with noodles,” David explained. “Nothing big.”

Slowly he moved to take hold of the spoon that had been laid out for him. His hand shook as he did this, and he wondered if he would even be physically capable of feeding himself. Perhaps it would be better to let someone else help. Or just not eat entirely. It wasn’t as if he could actually die, even if he wanted to. He deserved the pain he was in, if anything. 

He sighed and dropped his hand back down, dropping the spoon as well. It clattered as it hit the tray and made him jump slightly. Instinctively, he cringed, wondering if he would be punished, yet nothing happened.

“Nicholas, open your eyes,” Mary instructed, her tone soft.

The gentleness of her voice surprised him somewhat, and he complied.

“Please let me help you,” Mary said, picking up the spoon.

Confused as to why this was so important, he shook as she moved it towards his mouth, half expecting it to contain something horrible

But it didn’t. It was just soup, and it tasted good.

Upon this realization his stomach growled again, and he stopped trembling. He didn’t protest when Mary continued to feed him. He zoned out during it, focused on the taste of the soup and the calmness he felt, and he only came too when he felt his stomach starting to hurt. He glanced down and noticed that the bowl was empty. Mary smiled at him again.

“Wow, good job!” She said, in a voice that reminded him of how she probably spoke to her students. “I didn’t expect you to eat all of it.”

He felt an absurd sense of happiness at the praise, but the feeling was short lived as the pain in his stomach became more intense. Unsure of what to do, he simply sat there, hoping it might go away. 

“You need to take your meds too,” Mary told him. She grabbed the two pills.

“Open up.” 

He did as he was told and felt her place them on his tongue, then hold the glass of water to his lips. He wondered if the water might help his stomach feel better and took a large sip, followed by two more, draining half the glass.

Seconds later, he realized his mistake. He felt a sharp pain followed by nausea and began to gag. It seemed to shock Mary Margaret and David, who moved the tray out of the way. 

Nicholas coughed once, twice, feeling everything he had eaten making its way back up. It was in his throat and he gagged harder, vomiting all over his hands, lap and the blanket covering him. It burned and he continued to cough even after he was done being sick. 

Mary’s hand was on his back, rubbing him, doing her best to comfort him. When the coughing finally stopped he saw that he’d gotten sick on her as well, staining her sweater. Upon seeing this he whimpered. He half expected to get hit and locked away somewhere and he flinched when Mary’s hand moved from his back.

Then there was a short breath of silence. Mary and David were looking at each other, quietly trying to figure out what to do. Finally David spoke up.

“It’s alright. Not a big deal. We can clean everything up.”

Nicholas didn’t move, still feeling as though something worse was coming. He looked from David to Mary, his eyes tearing up. His mind, weak from so much abuse, confused them with his captors, hoped they wouldn’t punish him too badly. He hadn’t meant to be sick. At the same time, he hated himself for it, for being so weak, for being unable to even eat correctly.

It was too much. Too much to handle. He began rocking back and forth, hitting himself on the forehead with closed fists. So stupid, so useless, he thought to himself. If only he had something harder to hit himself with, punish himself so maybe they wouldn’t. He deserved it either way.

The jumble of thoughts overtook him and he started to hit himself harder, only stopping when David pulled his wrists away and held them down.

He whimpered again.

“Stop that,” David scolded him. “There’s no need for that. Everyone gets sick sometimes. It’s not a big deal.”

He had no response to that. He allowed David to help him up and lead him to the bathroom, then sit him on the closed toilet. 

While David would have preferred that Gold bathe himself, he didn’t seem to be in any state to do so. David started the bath, making sure the water was warm but not hot, and turned his attention back to the smaller man.

“Is it okay if I help you wash?” He asked. “You can do it yourself if you want, but you don’t seem like you’re feeling well.”

Truly, he looked exhausted. Tears were still silently flowing down his face.

He nodded in agreement. The least he could do was not cause them problems, he thought to himself.

He sat there quietly and allowed David to undress him. David tossed his dirty clothes into a bin, then helped him into the bathtub to clean up.

\---

Seeing Gold - or Nicholas, David reminded himself - naked was very unnerving. While he’d looked small in his hospital gown and clothes, he looked straight up starved and sick nude. David could literally count his ribs. His arms and legs were disturbingly skinny.

Saying nothing, David got to work. He kneeled next to the bathtub and used a rag with bodywash and water to clean Nicholas’ back, arms and upper chest. He even ran it over his face, clearing the traces of vomit from his lips and chin. He moved on to washing Nicholas’ hair, gently pouring water over it and then soaping it up with shampoo before washing it out. He put a hand over Nicholas’ eyes to shield him from getting any soap in them. Wet, his hair reached near the middle of his back. 

The entire time, he barely moved. Only when David held out the rag to him to wash his private areas did he reach out to take it. He washed himself efficiently, hating the memories that flooded into his head as he touched himself there. It almost made him gag again, but there was nothing to come up.

Soon enough David helped him to his feet and turned on the shower, washing him with it to remove anything left on him from the bathwater. Then he helped him out and dried him off.

He had just finished tying Nicholas’ hair up in a ponytail when Mary Margaret entered the bathroom, holding a new pair of pajamas and socks. She handed them off to David, who carefully helped Nicholas into them, allowing Nicholas to lean on him while he pulled the pants up. Nicholas was silent the entire time.

Once dressed David led him out of the bathroom. 

“Do you want to go back to bed? I’m sure Mary Margaret has finished changing the sheets by now.”

Nicholas shook his head ‘no’. 

“Alright. Why don’t we go watch some television then.”

David wrapped an arm around his waist as he’d seen his wife do previously and helped Nicholas into the living room area. He helped Nicholas lower himself onto the couch then sat down next to him. Figuring that they shouldn’t put on anything too exciting or possibly triggering, David found a cartoon. 

Soon enough he noticed that Nicholas’ eyes were closing. He kept trying to force himself awake, but it seemed to be difficult for him.

David grabbed a throw pillow and put it on his lap. 

“Wanna lie down?” He asked. 

Nicholas stared at him for a moment, his eyes fluttering closed again soon after. Too exhausted to make any decision, his body took over, forcing him to rest. He curled on his side and put his head on the pillow. He felt David pull a throw blanket over him, tucking him in, and he quickly fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_The couple who had taken him were standing outside the cage, holding his dagger. They laughed as they discussed what punishments they had in store for him._

_Gold remained calm. He’d gotten out of worse situations than this. Mostly, he felt surprised at who had gotten the better of him. It was always the quiet ones, he mused. Zaedyn and Malle had been tenants of his for years. A middle aged, unassuming couple, they’d never been late with their rent and they barely ever exchanged words with him. They simply gave him his money and allowed him on his way._

_He’d seen them in his shop before. Zaedyn had gotten some kind of bonus at work and had wanted to buy Malle a gift. Gold remembered how they’d looked around for what felt like hours before settling on a bracelet. Their presence hadn’t annoyed him, even though most people who entered his shop did. They kept to themselves. Didn’t ask many questions, and let him get on with his work._

_In hindsight, they must have been doing research. Figuring out the layout of his shop, guessing at where he kept things. Malle worked at a store nearby and would often glance inside on her breaks, but Gold had never thought much of it._

_And yet here he was, caught off guard by people who seemed like they wouldn’t hurt a fly. All it had taken was Zaedyn asking to examine something more closely, then knocking Gold out with a well placed punch to the neck._

_“You know why you’re here, right?” Zaedyn asked._

_Gold didn’t know. Really, he couldn’t imagine how he’d crossed these two. He hadn’t even raised their rent in half a decade, if only because they left him alone so often and paid on time._

_“Why don’t you tell me,” Gold answered, smirking at the man._

_Zaedyn looked to his wife, who opened a locket that she’d been holding. She showed it to Gold through the bars of his cage. It held a painting of a little girl._

_“Should I know this child?” Gold asked._

_“Her name was Cateline, and she died because of you.”_

_Gold raised an eyebrow._

_“I’ve never killed a child,” he responded, somewhat confused now. “I may be dark, but harming children… that’s a bit much, even for me.”_

_“You truly don’t remember us, do you?” Malle questioned._

_Gold studied her for a moment._

_“No, can’t say that I do.”_

_“We rented a cottage for you, in the Forest, and we always paid on time, never late, and we were happy there, but Zaedyn was injured at the mill one day. He couldn’t work, and we couldn’t pay that month.”_

_“And? How does this relate to the child?”_

_“And you forced us out. Refused us a second chance, refused to even let us pay late, and so we took to the streets. It was cold that winter,” Malle explained. “Very cold. And we had no family nearby. Cateline was always small, always weak, and she became ill.”_

_Gold suddenly felt a pang of guilt._

_“Had I know she existed, I wouldn’t have…”, he trailed off, re-thinking his words. “...Any landlord would have done the same.”_

_“You had riches and power. As the Dark One, a month’s rent would have mattered little to you. She died just a few weeks after we were turned out. Cold, in the street with us. She was six.”_

_“You never mentioned her,” Gold replied coldly._

_“She was weak, as I said. She often stayed inside. And should we have had to? We were good tenants. We had always paid. We treated you with respect, never got in your way. You could have had some pity, shown some kindness. Now you’ll suffer for your actions.”_

_Gold sighed. He knew his line of thinking during that time; showing weakness to anyone meant others might take advantage._

_He watched as Malle held the dagger up again._

_“Now it’s time to have some fun.”_

\---

Nicholas woke to the sound of a phone ringing, and Mary Margaret’s voice.

She walked into another room as she took the call. Nicholas looked around and noted that he was still on the couch, and that David was still next to him. He shivered, feeling cold now that he was fully alert. 

David looked down at him.

“You’ll probably feel less cold once you gain some weight back. For now we’ll just have to layer you up.” He grabbed a second throw blanket, and put it on top of the first one. Nicholas snuggled into it further. 

“Sleep well?” David asked.

Nicholas didn’t respond. He had no idea what to say. He’d dreamed of his captivity, but at least he hadn’t bothered anyone with his night terrors. He supposed it was a win.

“You can sleep a bit more but soon you’ll need to take your meds and either eat or drink something,” David told him.

He quietly pulled the blankets over his head. He had just closed his eyes when Mary Margaret entered the room again.

“Well, that was Emma. She says she found your dagger.”

Nicholas sat up upon hearing this. Where had it been found?

He stared at Mary Margaret, silently hoping that she would know what he was thinking.

“It was behind a bunch of boxes in that alleyway she found you in. She’s going to bring it over today. She dusted it for prints but didn’t come up with much.”

Nicholas felt his heart start to pound. He would have his dagger back! Once it was safe in his possession, it would be one less major worry. He wished he could say something. A thank you, something to that extent, but the idea of doing so made him incredibly uneasy. He’d been punished so greatly when he spoke out of turn, that it had become a habit to keep quiet.

Instead, he mouthed it. ‘Thank you’, and was glad when Mary Margaret saw it.

“You’re welcome,” she answered.

\---

That afternoon, Nicholas was able to take his pills without incident. Once they took effect, he’d been given one of the meal replacement shakes that Archie had bought.

“Drink it slowly,” Mary Margaret had instructed, and he did as he was told, not wanting a repeat of what had happened earlier. His hands continued to shake, so she had given him a straw to use. As much as he hated it, it did make drinking a lot easier. 

It took him an hour to finish, but when he was done he felt pleasantly full instead of sick, so he was glad he’d gone slow with it. However, just the simple act of drinking and digesting something used enough energy to make him tired again, and he was struggling to keep awake by the time Emma arrived.

She nodded at him when she saw him.

“Hey, Gold. You’re looking a bit better.”

He simply nodded in response, then yawned, leaning heavily on his hand as he sat at the table.

“I suppose you’ll be wanting this back,” Emma continued, placing the dagger next to him.

Nicholas sat back up again upon seeing it. He was instantly filled with mixed emotions. Happy that he had it back, relief, but also fear. Malle specifically had used it against him so many times, that it was almost terrifying to look at.

Carefully, he reached out to touch it, his fingers gently brushing the engraved letters on it. He let out a breath he hadn’t realized that he had been holding and looked up at Emma.

“Th-tha-” he started, clenching his eyes shut in frustration as he tried to get the words out. “Th-” he tried again, before groaning.

“You’re welcome,” Emma replied. “I, uh, hope you start to feel better soon. You got a good team of carers here.”

Nicholas simply nodded in agreement.


	8. Chapter 8

David thought things had been going fairly well in the three days since Nicholas had come to stay with them. 

They’d gotten into a routine, and just having some sense of structure seemed to be helping Nicholas. He was more responsive, and Archie had said that he seemed to show more interest in what was happening around him. Yet there were still times where he seemed confused or angry, and the situation would usually devolve into a stressful scenario for everyone.

There was a tension there, especially noticeable when either of them tried to take care of Nicholas in any hands-on ways. For instance, he still wasn’t strong enough to stand in the shower, so David had brought him a chair and helped him onto it, after which Nicholas had sulked and glared at him for hours as if he’d done something deeply insulting.

Maybe it _was_ insulting to Nicholas’ psyche. Prior to this he had been a fiercely independent man. Having to rely on people whom he had generally disliked fifteen months earlier must have been a blow in some aspects.

Things came to a head on his fourth evening with the Charmings. Right before bed, the phone had rang. It was Belle, calling to check on Nicholas. When asked if he wanted the phone, Nicholas had shrugged and taken it. He held it to his ear for a few moments, listening to Belle speak.

The expression on his face showed that he had been upset by it, but when asked if he was alright, he’d shrugged again, and David and Mary Margaret dropped the subject.

\---

That night, he dreamed of Malle.

She and Zaedyn had become accomplished at magic in the years after their daughter’s death. Who they’d gotten training from, he wasn’t sure, but he was definitely surprised at their abilities, which unfortunately included altering appearances.

Malle in particular was good at this, and she used it to her full advantage, going so far as to change her appearance to match Belle’s before insulting him or torturing him. One memorable time was when she ordered him to lie down and not to move, then pegged him for over an hour, all while looking like his beloved wife.

It was that scenario that played through his dreams, though it was made worse by the thought of Zaedyn torturing the real Belle. Nicholas could do nothing to stop it, forced as he was to lie there and take the abuse from Malle. 

And then, Zaedyn slit Belle’s throat. Nicholas watched as she bled out, twitching on the ground.

He woke screaming. It was nothing intelligible, just screams, but it was enough to bring David and Mary Margaret into his bedroom. They found him shaking, tears in his eyes as they tried to calm him. Mary Margaret had just about gotten him back to reality when she noticed the liquid soaking through the comforter. Nicholas seemed to notice it at the same time that she did.

Sensing his embarrassment, she quickly tried to play it off.

“No big deal,” she told him. “We can clean everything up.”

Just as she tried to help him off the bed, he snapped. 

“W-why?!” He asked. He looked almost stunned that he’d spoken before looking angry once again. 

Mary Margaret backed off, also surprised.

“Why what?” She asked, confused.

“Why are you doing this?!”

“Doing what?”

David sighed.

“I think he means why are we helping him.”

Nicholas nodded in agreement. 

“Because it’s the right thing to do,” Mary Margaret answered. 

Nicholas seemed almost enraged at this response.

“I don’t deserve it!” He yelled, throwing a pillow at her. “I don’t deserve it, so why?!”

Mary Margaret took a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm. Getting upset wouldn’t help this situation.

“Nicholas, calm down. We can talk about this, but there’s no need to shout.”

He seemed almost thrown off by the statement, as if he was expecting to get screamed at or punished in some way for speaking his mind.

He opened his mouth once, then closed it, unsure of what to say or do. Mary Margaret noticed that he seemed to curl up into himself a bit, as if he was suddenly afraid.

“...Sorry,” he finally whispered. The anger on his face was replaced with sadness and fear.

David was the first to sit next to him, carefully avoiding the stain on the bed.

“You didn’t deserve what happened to you. No one deserves to be tortured and assaulted like you were. You seemed comfortable around us, so it seemed only right to try to help you, even if we haven’t seen eye to eye in the past. There’s no ulterior motives. We’re just trying to do right.”

Nicholas hung his head, a tear falling to his hands. 

“I did deserve it,” he said, softly. “I deserved worse.”

David frowned, and took his hand. 

“No, you didn’t. Whatever you did, you didn’t deserve to be tortured for it.”

David noticed that Nicholas was gripping his forearm with his free hand, digging his nails into the flesh there. He was still shaking, still crying. 

After a few more moments, Mary spoke up.

“Nicholas, why don’t you take a shower. Let me change the bedclothes. After that, if you don’t want to go back to sleep we can talk some more, or you can watch some television or read.”

Nicholas nodded, and allowed David to help him to his feet.

\---

Nicholas spent the night in the living room, sleeping on the couch, curled up as small as possible. To Mary and David, it seemed almost as if he wanted to disappear, or make himself unseen by them. To be out of their way.

When he finally woke, Mary Margaret greeted him.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” he eventually whispered. 

“Thank you. I’m going to make some breakfast in a minute. Think you can try eating again today?”

That subject had been hit or miss. Sometimes he was agreeable to it, and would eat small amounts of applesauce or oatmeal along with his meal replacement shakes. Other times he would flat out refuse and it would be a struggle to get him to even drink something.

Nicholas wasn’t sure what to do. On one hand, he felt he didn’t deserve the kind treatment he was getting. On the other, the faster he healed physically, the faster he would be out of the Charming’s way.

After the incident of the previous evening, the former thought won out. He shook his head ‘no’ and burrowed back under the blankets.

\---

Archie showed up later in the morning and was impressed that he’d begun speaking again, but also saddened to hear what he’d said the night before. It wasn’t all that surprising to him, though. Belle had given him insight into Nicholas’ childhood and past relationships, so he had a bit of understanding as to why he felt the way he did. Now he was sitting across from Nicholas, going over his thoughts on the incident and in general.

“I think it’s more than just what happened in the past months,” he said, tone as calm as possible. “It’s deeper than that.”

Nicholas stared at him, confused. 

“It goes back to when you were younger. You’ve been abandoned so many times - first by your father, and then by Milah. And then what happened with your son -”

Nicholas held a hand up, motioning for Archie to stop speaking.

“Don’t bring him into this,” he growled. “Do not mention his name.”

“Alright, alright.” Archie did his best to placate him. “My point is, from a young age, the people who should have loved you and cared for you didn’t. They hurt you. So it’s not much of a surprise that you feel like you’re undeserving of kindness. Of love, really. And of course what you experienced recently just made it that much worse.”

Nicholas was glaring at him now, looking as if he might snap, yet he said nothing.

“My point is, that everyone deserves to be loved. No one deserves what you went through. These people,” he motioned at Mary and David, “They want to help. And if you don’t want to believe that, or you think you don’t deserve it, then the faster you get better, the faster you can leave.”

Nicholas’s shoulders slumped, the anger seemed to drain out of him.

“You’re right,” he whispered.

“I think you should give them a chance though,” Archie went on. “Don’t fight them. You might find it helps more than you’d think. Besides, realistically, you have your dagger back. If you wanted to get rid of them, you know you could.”

The idea didn’t even seem tempting to him. He’d been having a hard time looking at the dagger and had gone so far as to hide it away in a closet. It reminded him too much of how it was used against him.

Unsure of what to respond, he simply nodded his head in agreement.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Gold is a cat person and Snow reads him a book.

He was going to make an effort, he decided. If only because he wanted to leave. He wanted to go back to his own home, and back to Belle, and try to have some semblance of a life.

Not only that, but he was getting tired of having to fight off any sort of comfort that Mary or David would give him. They were never pushy, always gentle, and some subconscious part of him wanted to be cared for. It had been so long since anyone had his best interests at heart - Belle had really been the only one who’d done so, and now he was pushing away the only other two who cared.

Even if he felt he didn’t deserve it, Mary Margaret and David disagreed, so he might as well try to go with it. 

Easier said than done, of course, but he’d give it a go.

\---

His first chance came later in the evening. David had asked him again if he’d like to try to eat, and he had agreed. He was surprised to see that David had made all of them the same food - a very bland meal of chicken, rice and some vegetables.

Nicholas knew why he’d done it. It was an attempt to make him feel more welcome, and he appreciated it, especially since he knew they’d both probably rather be eating something else.

Over the course of an hour, he slowly ate his meal, chewing every bite thoroughly. Mary and David had finished long before, but they remained seated, making small talk. No one said anything to him, or interrupted him, but when he finally finished, Mary smiled at him.

“You feel alright?” She asked.

Nicholas nodded. He was pleasantly full. Eating slowly had helped in that aspect.

When she laid out his pills, he took them, making no fuss about it, and then followed the Charmings to the living room area. David had gotten him a new cane earlier in the day, so walking was easier, and it made him feel slightly more independent to be able to get around without requiring assistance.

It was Mary’s turn to decide what to watch, and she turned the channel to Animal Planet. 

“Too Cute,” Nicholas read off. The screen showed several puppies and kittens playing. 

“Yeah, always makes me smile,” Mary remarked. 

Nicholas couldn’t help but chuckle. It seemed so like her to enjoy something like that. 

“Hey, are you really going to tell me you don’t think they’re adorable?” She asked, grinning.

Nicholas looked at the screen. A kitten had just begun playing with its sibling, making tiny mewing sounds.

“Fine, it’s cute.” He crossed his arms and smirked. “I’ve always been fond of cats.”

It was more than he’d said all day, yet talking was coming more easily to him.

“Did you ever have one?”

“A few. My son had bought one home, once. Small little orange thing. Loud, though.” Nicholas remembered that day vividly. Bae had found it in the snow, shivering, and had brought it to their cottage.

“What was its name?”

“Meone. Very original, I know. But it wouldn’t shut up. He was always yelling at us. It was cute, though.”

Bae had loved that cat, he recalled. Meone had slept with him every night.

“That’s sweet,” Mary replied. 

“I have one with Belle, too.”

“Huh.” David turned his attention to Nicholas. “I really never pictured you as a pet person.”

“Belle wanted her. Her name’s Jane. After Jane Austin. Belle named her,” he explained. “But she liked me more than Belle for some reason.”

“Well cats can be moody,” Mary joked. “Maybe she found a kindred spirit.”

Nicholas instinctively took it as an insult, but seeing the joy on Mary’s face, realized it was meant to be funny.

“Perhaps,” he admitted. “She’s quite adorable. A persian cat, I believe.”

The sound of a puppy howling for the first time brought their attention back to the television, and they watched the program in silence.

\---

One thing Nicholas hated was how tired he always was. It seemed as if any action, no matter how small, took all of his energy. Yet the nightmares he had were so realistic, he often felt reluctant to sleep.

That evening, he hobbled to the bedroom and crawled under the sheets, hoping that he might get some modicum of peace that evening. He certainly didn’t want to embarrass himself like had previously. Then a thought came to him. Bae had awful night terrors as a child, and he had read to him every night in an attempt to take his mind off of the things that scared him. Sometimes it worked. Instead of dreaming of monsters, Bae would dream beautiful things like what he’d read in the books.

Nicholas wondered if Mary or David had anything he might read. Figuring it was worth the chance, he slowly got out of bed and made his way back towards the living room. Mary Margaret and David were cuddled up together on the couch talking softly to each other. 

He coughed, trying to get their attention. Their eyes turned to him.

“Are you okay?” David asked. 

Nicholas leaned heavily on his cane, trying not to show how exhausted he truly was.

“I was wondering if you had any books,” he answered. 

“Oh! Yes, we do,” Mary replied, standing up. She walked to the closet and pulled out a large box. Looking it over, she frowned.

“Actually, these are mostly children’s books from my time teaching. We have a couple young adult ones… the others are true crime stuff that David likes, and I doubt you’d be interested in those. Should I take them into the bedroom?”

“Yes, please.” Nicholas grunted as he turned around and made his way back. He might have been a bit old for kid’s books, but they’d probably get his mind off of things nonetheless.

\---

It took him a little while to choose a book. He had picked The Hobbit, if only because he remembered Belle enjoying it. By the time the rest of the books were put away, and he was back in bed, he felt as if he could barely keep his eyes open. He supposed that the book would have to wait until tomorrow.

Mary Margaret sat on the edge of the bed, the book in her hands.

“I can read it to you if you want,” she offered. “For tonight, I mean.”

The offer irritated him to an extent. He should be capable of simply reading if he wanted to! But, her offer was a kind one, and he remembered his decision earlier, to give things a try. Taking a deep breath, he nodded in agreement. 

Mary Margaret smiled and opened the book.


End file.
